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October 2017

WHY CAN’T I MARRY MY HORSE?

A Satirical Response

By Eve Nolaw

We are all animals, Charles Darwin proved that. All life came from a simple cell floating in the ocean billions of years ago. There is, therefore, no God, no divine law, no master plan, and no judgment day. Hooray! My horse is gentle, kind, intelligent, handsome, strong, and faithful. I love him with all my heart. Why can’t we get married? He’s an animal, but so am I!

Most progressive governments, following the example of the U.S. Supreme Court, now believe it is right for men to “marry” men and women to “marry” women. Sex between members of the same gender is good and lawful.

We all know that this ruling of the Supreme Court is against that silly old outdated book called the Bible. I personally am insulted and offended by the bigoted words of that misogynist Paul. I quote them so you will see the intolerance, homophobia, and hatred that is found in his writings:

For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their
women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise
also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their
lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful,
and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due.”

— Romans 1:26, 27

Pure hate speech, I think you can see that. It ought to be banned and we are working on it.

Today we are finally free from the oppressive, so called, Law of God, and there are now no restrictions. We may do as we please. I therefore ask the question, “Why can’t I marry my horse?”

President Clinton some years ago insulted me when he proclaimed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). He argued that marriage was between one man and one woman. His wife Hillary, when she wasn’t checking up on Bill’s extramarital activities, got in on the action and loudly

supported the awful idea that men should only marry women and women should only marry men. How sick is that? I imagine they got that idea from that Jewish renegade by the name of Jesus:

“The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him,
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And
He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made
them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said,
‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined
to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no
longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let
not man separate.”
— Matthew 19:3-6

Can you believe it? Jesus said marriage was only between one man and one woman. Who does he think he is? The Creator? Of course I don’t like Jesus or anything he said. The smart old Romans probably did a good thing when they nailed him up on a tree. So perish all bigots, I say. But please don’t get me wrong, I’m all for love.

Thankfully the Clintons recanted their support of DOMA, and God’s Law. Of course it certainly had nothing to do with votes, just pure principle.

Later on, Mr. Obama was made president of the United States of America, and said he supported the Defense of Marriage Act. Lucky for some of us, he soon saw the light and came over to our side. I guess he thought he was smarter than Jesus and Paul. He sure made me feel good when he lighted up the White House with the lovely rainbow colors of the Coalition for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Awareness (CLGBTA). I felt so proud. God needed a poke in the eye, and he sure got it.

The whole issue is crystal clear to me. You either stick with that outmoded Bible and its “God given laws,” or you believe as I do that you are free to follow your own sexual urges. It’s one or the other. Plain old fashioned logic demands it. I think that Mr. Obama, without trying to do so, punched a hole in the wall of the dam. That hole has been getting bigger every day. Soon that ugly old dam (God’s Law) will be gone and we will be totally free to do whatever our sexual urges demand. Love conquers all. I feel so liberated. We have almost cowered everyone into submission. Calling people names works so well. Look at the politicians hiding under the rocks.

I can see big changes coming soon. After Gay marriage, what’s wrong with folks marrying their kids, or good people having multiple husbands and wives, or me marrying my horse, or my dog, or my cat?

So I put it to you, “Why can’t I marry my horse?

 

EDITORIAL NOTE:

Marrying your horse is not as farfetched as one might think. Beastality was practiced and condemned in Bible times as evidenced by Ex. 22:19 ; Lev. 18:22,23 ; Lev. 20:15,16 ; and
Deut. 27:21. This gross perversion apparently is prevalent today.

 

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